HELPLESS?
Day 3 of the lil hiatus. Much hasn’t changed but a lot has changed. I went over to my Aunt’s for a sleepover so I’d get to see my cousins, had Eddie with me.
Got there, got comfortable, played with the boys; some more rough play, and a lil bit more. Just to get some of that feeling of happiness back.
Truth is, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve always had a soft spot for kids; especially the lil boys, because in the long run I can only hope as far with influencing [and/or understanding] the girls. At some point I know I probably won’t be able to relate to em anymore so, yeah
But much of the reason why I hate this space I’ve been in is I start to feel like I have nothing to offer these kids whenever I’m around them. I have this feeling of incompetence, hoping they don’t look up to me in moments like this, either because I’m struggling or need help myself.
“a wise man once told me, ‘when you are feeling helpless make you help someone'”
Phyno – I Got Your Back (2019)
These lyrics up here convict me every single time (and trust me, I listen to that song a lot). I just defend myself by saying it’s not biblical 🙄
But anyway, playing with the boys got a bit of my happiness levels up. Thank God.
Went to see a friend the following day: visit turned sleepover thanks to the 8pm curfew in my city [that I might never get used to by the way].
Why I’ve not gone to my Father in heaven yet is just a mystery I hope to unravel soonest. I need Him. Hopefully I find the courage to go to Him. I hate this space.
Today’s my Dad’s 50th birthday, by the way.
DEVNORM BLOG. 